records of my life part 1

Two years ago I've bought a turntable

Actually, four years before that I bought the furst one, which was the worst thing I ever spent money with. Then I bought the new one, and I wasn't very sure why I was insisting on that. But thank God I do many things not quite knowing why and end up liking what I got.

So, I have a turntable, and some records.

Two of them are very special in my life: Radiohead's Ok Computer and REM's Automatic for the people. What a pleasure to listen to this these gems!!

Everytime I buy a LP I feel a little guity because they are incredible expensive in Brasil, but these two worth every cent spent on them. All the months dreaming on buying them. All the wait until I got them on my hands










I want to love someone like I love these two albums. I want someone to mean to me and fill my heart like they do.

With just one line

He messed up my weekend and my heart
And I liked.

25 years ago today

I still miss you, dad.

I love my sestra

Last Sunday I finished Orphan Black, and now all I can do is watch all the panels and interviews on Youtube.
The story went crazy but the characters and actors were sooo goooood.
I'm a totally Tatiana's fan now. 
And Jordan's
And Kristian's
And Kevin's
And Ari's...

BTW, I love Maria Doyle Kennedy since The Commitments. 

The best video for this song

Beautiful work, Tatia Pilieva.
I'm in tears.

Blue Jay (2016)

Every once and a while I have this daydream that at some point in my life I will write a film. Or a play. A small and very independent piece about a relationship.

After I watched Blue Jay I believe there's no reason to do it anymore. The story is a bit different from what I was planning to write but the main subject and (most important) the feeling are there as I thought it should be done.
It is a Netflix production (or distribution? I'm not sure) and I most deeply reccomend you to watch it. I did it last year, a few days before being off for holidays and as soon the film was over I played it again.

Thank you, Mark Duplass, for such a honest and delicate way to tell that story.

good times are coming

Vacation in 2 weeks.  Just. Can't. Wait

Big Eyes (2014)

Wow, I loved Big Eyes! So touching and well done.

I'm so glad Tim Burton came back to a film where you can relate with the characters like Big fish. And finally without Johnny Depp! Please don't get me wrong, I love Johnny, but they needed this breakup. (Even you know that)

Waltz and Adams are excellent. Maybe the characters are not strong or powerful enough for an Oscar, but that doesn't make them any less good. I wonder if Waltz could do a shy depressed character as he can do a crazy charismatic one...

I confess I have never heard of Walter and Margaret Keane before and I feel quite ignorant. I've spent the rest of the night on Google and her paintings are great. Hope I can get one someday.

My life without me (2003)

Lee: Hey.
Ann: Hi.
Lee: My body hurt thinking you weren't gonna come.
Ann: I wasn't gonna come.
Lee: Well, I'm glad you did.

What did I learn on the show last night, Craig?

No one lives forever
This business here I've got to finish 

Since Craig said he was quitting the LLS all the guests, or at least the ones who appears once a year in the show, said goodbye like the man was retiring or worst, dying.
So last night he said best than any other time he's not giving up on anything, he's moving on.
That's a very difficult thing for the most of us to do, to me especially. I don't know if it's a cultural behavior or just our survival mode screaming, but to "close a door", to end up something always reminds us of death.
But quitting, finishing or ending can be the exactly opposite of death.
Maybe people like Craig can do it with a little bit of more courage and faith than the rest because he once had to quit something infinitely harder: drinking. It took a huge amount of time, pain and nearly everything he had back then, as well described in his biography (which I love!) but he did it. And I believe that beating all that pain and shame can give someone a different perspective of life. A real sense that you're not gonna be here forever so you gotta live right now. 
Anyone can and will tell you that many many times in your life: family, friends, teachers, therapists, partners, bosses, TV shows and movies but only in experience we can finally understand it.
To grow up and to live has much more to do with moving than standing at the same place.
So move your fucking butt right now!

I wish you all the best, Mr. Ferguson!

Recordação (pra Issa)

Nessas duas últimas semanas, os textos que tenho trabalhado em sala falam sobre o sentido do passado e da memória antes da História ciência (se é que ela ainda é ou quer ser isso).
Mas mesmo depois dela, o fato é que a nossa dor ainda é a mesma: a da finitude da vida. Só na memória dos outros que nos eternizamos. O lembrar vence, ou talvez seja melhor dizer, estica o tempo, relabora o espaço, faz do ontem hoje.
É cruel mas bastante simbólico, poético até, saber da tua morte em meio a essas reflexões. Se fosse pra racionalizar como muitos pedem, não éramos amigas há tempos, e pra alguns talvez nem mesmo tenhamos sido.
E no entanto, estás em tantos lugares da minha memória! Tu e tuas histórias, as contadas e as que ficavam pela metade. A menina do beijo mais longo já narrado (ou inventado), digno de Guinness Book.
Agora enquanto estou deitada no chão, ouvindo o "Throwing copper" e pensando nisso tudo, é como se estivéssemos de volta no teu quarto, com as meninas, conversando, rindo, montando uma banda que infelizmente nunca saiu do papel.
Aquela foto da Scarlet O'Hara na parede, de fato ela te resumia: tão forte, tão frágil...
Já não estavas aqui antes, e também nunca vais deixar de estar.

Mafalda

#vemprarua #itsnotabout20cents #acordabrasil 

Life, as always...

Why, God, why things always happen when you just decided to try something else?
It's too much for my poor sense of reality!
I'm not complaining, I'm very happy. I just... fear, I guess.
I'm not gonna think anymore. I'll jump.

Here I go.

Friday

and I'm not in love.
Even though, it's Friday.
That's good enough for now.

Wanna dance?





PS: I still remember a time when there was no internet, so no youtube too, and I had to cross my fingers and hope for MTV to play this video.. 
Life is funny.

Top 5 - Great films that leave you in deep depression

Requiem for a dream (2000)

The drug-induced utopias of four Coney Island individuals are shattered when their addictions become stronger.

Incendies (2010)

Twins journey to the Middle East to discover their family history, and fulfill their mother's last wishes.

Irreversible (2002)

A simultaneously beautiful and terrible examination of the destructive nature of cause and effect, and how time destroys everything.








Sherrybaby (2006)

Sherry Swanson discovers that coming back to the world she left behind is far more difficult than she had planned.








Melancholia (2011)

On the night of her wedding, Justine is struggling to be happy even though it should be the happiest day of her life.

(All descriptions are from IMDb, some with adaptations. See more in each title's link ) 

About death, love, broken hearts, failing marriages, etc.

Disseste que se tua voz tivesse força igual

a imensa dor que sentes

teu grito acordaria não só a tua casa

mas a vizinhança inteira

("Há tempos" - Legião Urbana)

Last week was everything but fun, not at all what I was planning for my annual St. Patrick's week.

I've started reading Love is a mix tape at the beginning of February and I was going quite fast until the death part. Then I had to stop for a while. All that mourning talk was making me feel bad. I still don't know why I decided that last week would be the moment to finish this book... What a horrible decision! It totally ruined my humor. Don't get me wrong, it's a beautiful book, full of love and the honesty of a open broken heart. That's what put me down.

It was a mix of everything: my crazy fear of dying, my own experiences of loss and the fact my mom was a young widow too. Not so young as Rob was and not dealing with it the same way (she managed to keep very focus on the family actually) but all that put together, plus all the talk about music as a place for memories have let me melancholic. It's a good book, really. It ends in a very positive way to be fair, and I'm very  surprised it has not become a film so far. It has all the potential to be a great indie movie.

Searching for a different kind of story and vibe I rented End of watch but it didn't help much. The actors did an excellent job (and I wish America Ferrera had more scenes, I do like her so much!) but in terms of reality about police action and drug cartels I still think Tropa de Elite goes far beyond the obvious, looking for the real problem. (EoW script still allows Americans to believe in the easier answer that this is an immigration's issue). 

Somehow by the end of the movie I started thinking Jake could play Rob Sheffield at cinema. He couldn't be less Irish, I know, but he's at the right age and in all the interviews for this movie he looks so sad and disconnected from the real world that I believe he's ready to play a young widow trying to find he's away back to life through music. But it has to be now, while his on the mood. In the next 5 minutes, the guy will fall in love and marry someone like Scarlet Johansson or Rachel McAdams (I don't know, are they still single?) and then it would be just pure sadism to ask him to go back being a sad lonely bastard again. (He's still too good looking, too L.A, I know. Let's find someone else..)

So Saturday came and I thought all my sadness would go away, but not only the party I went sucked as I had to face the bizarre hurtful truth of a friend's marriage breaking apart in front of me. I don't know what to do, not even if I should do something, since we've been friends for a very short time and nobody have asked for my help. Even so I couldn't stop thinking about it the whole Sunday and I've got myself praying for them yesterday. 

Feeling like I'm carrying all the misery of the world, I ran my ass off at the gym but it didn't help either. I just wish I could cry my way out of all this already but I can't. It has nothing to do with me but I'm mourning too.

A dream about Brad Pitt

Today I dreamed I was lost in Munich. Then this guy came along (and he was played by Brad Pitt, with that Se7en's look) and started to threaten me, demanding a huge amount of money. The rest of the dream was me trying to runaway from him, like an action movie.

I don't know which part of all this sounds more absurd and stupid, once I have never been in Munich (and this part was kind of Inception, because I was able to create and run through a whole city in my dream) and don't have a thing for Pitt since I was 15, besides other many things, but I decided I had to post this somewhere. I wanna remember it in the future. 
My very first and very late Brad Pitt dream. And it wasn't romantic at all...

Waiting

Actually I'm dying to watch this movie! Celine and Jesse are my favorite fictional couple...

#BeforeMidnight

Michael Fassbender

I'm reading Fahrenheit 451 (which is absolutely great!) and since the beginning I can't stop picturing Michael Fassbender as Montag. 
Seeing him on Hunger was such powerful experience, he was brilliant! I'm saving Shame for a moment I can have the same kind of punch. 
Right now this book is consuming every piece of my mind. 

But if there's anyone out there planning to do another film adaptation of this book, I leave here my suggestion for your consideration

He's already bathing in kerosene! 

Top 5 on Friday - the best of 2012 (part 1)

This is totally personal, I don't pretend to understand about music. It's just a piece of my life last year.

Songs

1.(it's the last post for this song, I promise)


2. (for this one too, but it only proves my point)


3. (also a replay)


4. (free download  at Molho Negro)


5. (I know, but I can't help)

Concerts

Mark Lanegan Band - I had a dream about this concert and decided to go on the last minute. The best decision I've ever made. Something has changed inside me since then.

Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds - Also magical. When he played "Don't look back in anger" it was cathartic. I had never saw so many men holding beers and singing out loud like that. It felt a little bit like London, I guess.  

Lou Donaldson - There's nothing like a great jazz concert for free. And he's pure charisma!

Strobo - Some bands only show how good they really are on stage and this is one of them. They have a good record but live it's something else. Already a fan.

Ian McCulloch - The most "I-do-what-I-want" concert I have ever been. He talked a lot and laughed and asked what songs we wanted to hear and denied most of the asks... it was fun.