Happiness

"Não adianta sonhar com o que é feito apenas de fantasia e querer aspirar ao impossível. A felicidade é a aceitação do que se é e se pode ser." 

MÃE, Valter Hugo. O filho de mil homens. São Paulo, Cosac Naify, p. 77

Alan Rickman, R.I.P

His Colonel Brandon was my first Jane Austen's Crush

It made me discover her books, actually.

And then I became a fan of his.

About death, love, broken hearts, failing marriages, etc.

Disseste que se tua voz tivesse força igual

a imensa dor que sentes

teu grito acordaria não só a tua casa

mas a vizinhança inteira

("Há tempos" - Legião Urbana)

Last week was everything but fun, not at all what I was planning for my annual St. Patrick's week.

I've started reading Love is a mix tape at the beginning of February and I was going quite fast until the death part. Then I had to stop for a while. All that mourning talk was making me feel bad. I still don't know why I decided that last week would be the moment to finish this book... What a horrible decision! It totally ruined my humor. Don't get me wrong, it's a beautiful book, full of love and the honesty of a open broken heart. That's what put me down.

It was a mix of everything: my crazy fear of dying, my own experiences of loss and the fact my mom was a young widow too. Not so young as Rob was and not dealing with it the same way (she managed to keep very focus on the family actually) but all that put together, plus all the talk about music as a place for memories have let me melancholic. It's a good book, really. It ends in a very positive way to be fair, and I'm very  surprised it has not become a film so far. It has all the potential to be a great indie movie.

Searching for a different kind of story and vibe I rented End of watch but it didn't help much. The actors did an excellent job (and I wish America Ferrera had more scenes, I do like her so much!) but in terms of reality about police action and drug cartels I still think Tropa de Elite goes far beyond the obvious, looking for the real problem. (EoW script still allows Americans to believe in the easier answer that this is an immigration's issue). 

Somehow by the end of the movie I started thinking Jake could play Rob Sheffield at cinema. He couldn't be less Irish, I know, but he's at the right age and in all the interviews for this movie he looks so sad and disconnected from the real world that I believe he's ready to play a young widow trying to find he's away back to life through music. But it has to be now, while his on the mood. In the next 5 minutes, the guy will fall in love and marry someone like Scarlet Johansson or Rachel McAdams (I don't know, are they still single?) and then it would be just pure sadism to ask him to go back being a sad lonely bastard again. (He's still too good looking, too L.A, I know. Let's find someone else..)

So Saturday came and I thought all my sadness would go away, but not only the party I went sucked as I had to face the bizarre hurtful truth of a friend's marriage breaking apart in front of me. I don't know what to do, not even if I should do something, since we've been friends for a very short time and nobody have asked for my help. Even so I couldn't stop thinking about it the whole Sunday and I've got myself praying for them yesterday. 

Feeling like I'm carrying all the misery of the world, I ran my ass off at the gym but it didn't help either. I just wish I could cry my way out of all this already but I can't. It has nothing to do with me but I'm mourning too.

Carnaval?

VETO + a pile of books + rain + food = a perfect Carnaval 
And maybe a chapter for my thesis. Fingers crossed.

Musical Identity

"I get sentimental over the music of the 90's. Deplorable, really. But I love it all. As far as I'm concerned, the 90's was the best era for music ever, even the stuff that I loathed at the time, even the stuff that gave me stomach cramps. Every note from those years is charged with life for me now."

Rob Sheffield. Love is a mix tape. p.7


I totally feel like that about the 90's music. Too bad he didn't like PJ back then... 

Granger

"Todos devem deixar algo para trás quando morrem, dizia o meu avô. Um filho, um livro, um quadro, uma casa ou parede construída, um par de sapatos. Algo que sua mão tenha tocado de algum modo, para que sua alma tenha para onde ir quando você morrer. E quando as pessoas olharem para aquela árvore ou aquela flor que você plantou, você estará ali. Não importa o que você faça, dizia ele, desde que você transforme alguma coisa, do jeito que era antes de você toca-la em algo que é como você depois que suas mãos passaram por ela. A diferença entre o homem que apenas apara gramados e um verdadeiro jardineiro está no toque, dizia ele. O aparador de grama podia muito bem não ter estado ali; o jardineiro estará lá durante uma vida inteira".

(Bradbury, Ray. Fahrenheit 451. São Paulo: Globo, 2009. p. 220 - 221)

Eu comprei esse livro em homenagem ao meu pai. Ele gostava de ficção e acho que teria gostado desse livro. 

Não acredito que o tenha lido, ou já teríamos um exemplar em casa.

E ele me dizia coisas assim.

Michael Fassbender

I'm reading Fahrenheit 451 (which is absolutely great!) and since the beginning I can't stop picturing Michael Fassbender as Montag. 
Seeing him on Hunger was such powerful experience, he was brilliant! I'm saving Shame for a moment I can have the same kind of punch. 
Right now this book is consuming every piece of my mind. 

But if there's anyone out there planning to do another film adaptation of this book, I leave here my suggestion for your consideration

He's already bathing in kerosene! 

Best tumblr ever!

From Date a girl who reads

Great photos and a Harry Potter fan :)

15 de novembro

"Ora, além de ter surgido em uma sociedade profundamente desigual e hierarquizada, a República brasileira foi proclamada em um momento de intensa especulação financeira, causada pelas grandes emissões de dinheiro feitas pelo governo para atender às necessidades geradas pela abolição da escravidão. A febre especulativa atingiu de modo especial a capital do país, centro dos acontecimentos que levaram à República. Em vez da agitação do Terceiro Estado, a República brasileira nasceu no meio da agitação dos especuladores, agitação que ela só fez aumentar pela continuação da política emissionista. O espírito de especulação, de enriquecimento pessoal a todo custo, denunciado amplamente pela imprensa, na tribuna, nos romances, dava ao novo regime uma marca incompatível com a virtude republicana. Em tais circunstâncias, não se podia nem mesmo falar na definição utilitarista do interesse público como a soma dos interesses individuais. Simplesmente não havia preocupação com o público. Predominava a mentalidade predatória, o espírito do capitalismo sem a ética protestante."

Carvalho, José Murilo de. A formação das almas: o imaginário republicano no Brasil. São Paulo: Companhia das Letras, 1990. P. 29 - 30. 

As always...

Ontem chegaram mais 4, nesse fim de semana vou começar a fazer o levantamento dos livros do próximo capítulo da tese.. fora os que vem pela Amazon.
Muita, muita, muita coisa pra ler!
Se dependesse só da vontade, mas o problema é tempo!
O fim do ano letivo há de me libertar!

Tired of packing

I'm moving back to my hometown... again.
Ten minutes ago I started writing this post saying how I should stop moving, choosing one place and start a life and blah-blah-blah but that's a lie, just something I think I should be feeling because I'm 30 something and all that comes with this age. But I love being in different places and there's at least 3 other cities I expect to live in for a part of my life before setting down (this will come, eventually).
What I really don't like is the trouble of sending around all my stuff, I have way too many books. While I was packing last night I realize I don't remember buying or having some of them. This is a disease, right?

But I can not deny it's hard to be on the bedroom right now. This is still home.

Love and lost

"com a morte, também o amor devia acabar. ato contínuo, o nosso coração devia esvaziar-se de qualquer sentimento que até ali nutrira pela pessoa que deixou de existir. pensamos, existe ainda, está dentro de nós, ilusão que criamos para que se torne todavia mais humilhante a perda e para que nos abata de uma vez por todas com piedade. e não é compreensível que assim aconteça. com a morte, tudo o que respeita a quem morreu devia ser erradicado, para que aos vivos o fardo não se torne desumano. esse é o limite, a desumanidade de se perder quem não se pode perder."

valter hugo mãe. a máquina de fazer espanhóis. p.21

Another perspective about love and imagination

"If it's true, as some German fellow has said, that without phosphorus there is no thought, it is still more true that there is no kindness of heart without a certain amount of imagination. She had some. She had even more than is necessary to understand suffering and to be moved by pity. She fell in love under circumstances that leave no room for doubt in the matter; for you need imagination to form a notion of beauty at all, and still more to discover your ideal in an unfamiliar shape."

Conrad, Joseph. Amy Foster. 1901, p.3

two things one thought

"Mas os homens trabalham sob engano. O que o homem tem de melhor logo se mistura à terra para se transformar em adubo. Por um destino ilusório, geralmente chamado de necessidade, eles se dedicam, como diz um velho livro, a acumular tesouros que serão roídos pelas traças e pela ferrugem e roubados pelos ladrões. É uma vida de tolo, como vão descobrir ao chegarem ao final dela, ou talvez antes." 

(Thoreau, W. D. Walden. Porto Alegre, L&PM, 2011, p. 19)

The big fish eats the little ones

The big fish eats the little ones

Not my problem, give me some

You can try the best you can

You can try the best you can

The best you can is good enough

(Radiohead - Optimistic)

Top 5 on Friday

Wow last Friday of the year! Are you in 2012 already or holding every single piece of moment left from 2011? 
Today The Music Memoirs brought us the

Top 5 musical things you wanted to get for Christmas but didn't

I really wasn't expecting and didn't get anything musical for Christmas. In fact, I'm too old to ask for things. I should be having kids and denying them expensive presents by now..

But if I'd have money or if someone would like to give me a treat, it would be nice to get

1. Achtung Baby Über Deluxe Box Set

2. Ten Collector's Edition

3. A nice vinyl player

4. Love is a mix tape: life and loss, one song at a time

(I've been dying to read this book but I still couldn't get it. It will definitely happen this year)

5. John Lennon People for Peace Poster

(One like this costs only $0.08 at Amazon! But the shipping costs to this country are totally absurd. That's a shame...)

The unexpected gift

Last Sunday I've got the best surprise gift from my sister: a book with James Joyce's A portrait of the artist as a young man and Dubliners. The first one I have never read, even having a very poor pocket edition from Penguins Classics (maybe because of that!) and the second is one of my favorite books from all times, but I had only in Portuguese.


Inside the book there was only a simple note: (When I saw) I thought I should give you this... So thoughtful and lovely!


The first thing I did was read my favorite short story from Dubliners, "Eveline". It's a very sad story about the girl from the title, stuck in a life without perspective or happiness, at the very afternoon when she has to decide to runaway or not. I can't remember another book where I felt the sadness of a character so strongly as in this one.


It's funny (in the lack of a better word) how we can fall in love with things that make us sad but Joyce made me understand Eveline like I knew her... I don't mind sharing her doubts and misery.


Thanks, sis!

Hobbes e as razões da discórdia

"Na natureza do homem encontramos três causas principais de discórdia. Primeiro, a competição; segundo, a desconfiança; terceiro, a glória. A primeira leva os homens a atacar os outros tendo em vista o lucro; a segunda, à segurança; e a terceira, à reputação [...]. Com isto se torna manifesto que, durante o tempo em que os homens vivem sem um poder comum capaz de os manter a todos em respeito, eles se encontram naquela condição a que se chama guerra; e uma guerra que é de todos os homens contra todos os homens. [...] As paixões que fazem os homens tender para a paz são o medo, o desejo daquelas coisas que são necessárias para uma vida confortável, e a esperança de consegui-las através do trabalho (Hobbes, 1974, pp. 79 e 81)."

Citado por Ianni, Octavio. Variações sobre Ciência e Arte. Revista Tempo Social - USP. São Paulo, Junho de 2004. P. 16