Disseste que se tua voz tivesse força igual
a imensa dor que sentes
teu grito acordaria não só a tua casa
mas a vizinhança inteira
("Há tempos" - Legião Urbana)
Last week was everything but fun, not at all what I was planning for my annual St. Patrick's week.
I've started reading Love is a mix tape at the beginning of February and I was going quite fast until the death part. Then I had to stop for a while. All that mourning talk was making me feel bad. I still don't know why I decided that last week would be the moment to finish this book... What a horrible decision! It totally ruined my humor. Don't get me wrong, it's a beautiful book, full of love and the honesty of a open broken heart. That's what put me down.
It was a mix of everything: my crazy fear of dying, my own experiences of loss and the fact my mom was a young widow too. Not so young as Rob was and not dealing with it the same way (she managed to keep very focus on the family actually) but all that put together, plus all the talk about music as a place for memories have let me melancholic. It's a good book, really. It ends in a very positive way to be fair, and I'm very surprised it has not become a film so far. It has all the potential to be a great indie movie.
Searching for a different kind of story and vibe I rented End of watch but it didn't help much. The actors did an excellent job (and I wish America Ferrera had more scenes, I do like her so much!) but in terms of reality about police action and drug cartels I still think Tropa de Elite goes far beyond the obvious, looking for the real problem. (EoW script still allows Americans to believe in the easier answer that this is an immigration's issue).
Somehow by the end of the movie I started thinking Jake could play Rob Sheffield at cinema. He couldn't be less Irish, I know, but he's at the right age and in all the interviews for this movie he looks so sad and disconnected from the real world that I believe he's ready to play a young widow trying to find he's away back to life through music. But it has to be now, while his on the mood. In the next 5 minutes, the guy will fall in love and marry someone like Scarlet Johansson or Rachel McAdams (I don't know, are they still single?) and then it would be just pure sadism to ask him to go back being a sad lonely bastard again. (He's still too good looking, too L.A, I know. Let's find someone else..)
So Saturday came and I thought all my sadness would go away, but not only the party I went sucked as I had to face the bizarre hurtful truth of a friend's marriage breaking apart in front of me. I don't know what to do, not even if I should do something, since we've been friends for a very short time and nobody have asked for my help. Even so I couldn't stop thinking about it the whole Sunday and I've got myself praying for them yesterday.
Feeling like I'm carrying all the misery of the world, I ran my ass off at the gym but it didn't help either. I just wish I could cry my way out of all this already but I can't. It has nothing to do with me but I'm mourning too.
